Mess and Miss Jay

Hi

So, to continue the story of mess and Miss Jay: it wasn’t anything to do with that night actually. It was another night.

After work I wandered over to Miss Jay’s house. We drank beer and talked. He was really down. Ex-wife hassles. He made dinner. We wandered into town and scored some pot. We went and had a smoke with some friends of his. I met the girl he fancies. His friends were pretty cool actually. I read all of their palms – funny. Miss Jay has a very uncomplicated palm, which I found pleasantly surprising seeing as he seems so messed up.

Anyhow, Miss Jay changed his mind on me and didn’t want me to crash at his place. The girl he fancies was getting jealous or something. So I called Mr. T and crashed there.

I got up and went to work, in the same clothes I’d worn the day before. Luckily I only had a half-day.

I went home and Miko had a huge lump on his face. We went to the vet. It was an abscess and he had to go in for surgery the next day.

My sister and mother were coming up for the weekend so I gave them a call. My mother had gone into hospital. I didn’t know what was wrong.

I texted Elisa, who had called me a couple of weeks ago to tell me she was sick and so wasn’t coming back to Welly on time. She was in hospital. She couldn’t move. The doctors didn’t know what was wrong with her.

So, on Thursday my mother, my flatmate and my cat were all in hospital. I was real stressed. I got sick.

Mother is fine. I couldn’t talk to her for a few days cos she was all doped up on morphine. And step-father was typically crap at communicating with me to let me know what was happening. But she’s had surgery now and is recovering.

Miko is fine. He came out of the general ok. He had a huge tube sticking out of his face for a while, but that’s been removed now.

Elisa is still bad. The doctors have done a million tests on her and they still don’t know what’s wrong. They think it’s a blood infection. In the meantime she can’t move and is in heaps of pain and is freaking cos they don’t know what’s wrong with her and she’s not getting any better. It’s awful.

So Friday I was sick as a dog. I went to the doctor. I started crying, which is fairly understandable seeing how stressed I was. The doctor forgot to give me anything for my infection and instead referred me to a counsellor. And she said some things that made me feel bad, but she’s a doctor, not a counsellor, so is bound to say the wrong thing.

I was sick all weekend. Went to work on Monday. Saw Lorry and Arlo and Golden Pony Boy briefly after work. Golden Pony Boy was being very cute, but I didn’t stay cos I was still sick.

Tuesday I was ready for a drink. I met Mr. T at the Ho and had a glass of wine. He brought me down, telling me I was being too romantic about Golden Pony Boy, and reminding me of all the reasons that men suck. I kept saying to him that I was newly hopeful about men and wanted to continue that way. I wanted to believe in boys again.

Now, the romance thing with Golden Pony Boy. He’s a cunt. I know. That’s one of the things I like about him. He’s full of shit and egotistical, but like I told Miss Jay, I like that he is fallible. Extremely fallible. Its endearing somehow. When he acts like a shithead and I hear some of the shit that gets said about him I doubt that he could have been so genuine with me. But we had an awesome time together that night and I don’t want to doubt the truth of my experiences. So, we had an awesome time, and yes, I did find it romantic, but no, it doesn’t mean that I can’t see he’s a shithead. And I hope he was being genuine with me, cos I’d hate to think that anyone could lie that well.

So, still shaky from not yet knowing if my mother’s surgery would go ok and if Elisa would be okay and newly wounded from thinking that maybe what happened with Golden Pony Boy didn’t really happen at all, we went to the opening. I saw my mate’s mother and talked to her, meeting her brother. That was quite choice. I’d heard a lot about him so it was good to meet him.

Golden Pony Boy turned up long enough to be a dick and leave with some girl.

Then Miss Jay was standing there next to me, beaming and saying “You look rather wonderful tonight.” We went and had a smoke.

Much more drinking and smoking ensued until I found my kareoke cherry being popped at Blue Note with Lorry and “Bat Outta Hell”. It was so great I promptly did “Me and Bobby McGee” with Miss Jay.

I fell in love with Miss Jay when he did “Benny and the Jets”. It was so beautiful. I told him too.

Miss Jay was deeply engrossed in the girl he fancies. I was feeling pretty messed up, which is the only excuse I have for asking Arlo to come home with me. Thankfully, he declined. The fanciful girl went home so Miss Jay said I could stay at his place.

As we got into bed I said “I promise I won’t molest you”. Miss Jay really wanted to watch porn. I told him that if he did I’d have to jump him. He turned on the porn. I jumped him. It was totally un-intimate.

Next day we were back to being friends again. But. You know.

Last night I went over. His kids were there. They’re real cute. After they went to bed we got wasted and watched “Kung Fu Hustle” and ate ice cream. I drove home.

I like Miss Jay, but he’s a mess. And he’d rather go out with that other girl. And he keeps telling me that there’s no point getting attached when I’m leaving soon. I didn’t like the sex. I found it really unhealthy. Porn-sex is so boring and hollow. It confirmed to me that what I really want is to connect with people. Porn-sex is like using someone else’s body to masturbate. Totally gross.

So that’s been my messy time. Stress, crying, sickness, drinking, smoking, singing kareoke, having bad sex: this is how I grieve.

x

Listening to:
The Coolies: The Coolies
Cortina: Control Freaks Rule the World
Iggy Pop: Lust for Life
The Donnas: Spend the Night