She's a girl

Hi

So Stephen’s added me to his list of drinking buddies. I don’t have an image for him so he’s put a picture of a bald Melissa Ethridge to represent me. He got it by googling “ugly lesbian”.

I think this may be backlash from my “I’m hot” comments of yesterday. I’m not feeling hot today. I’m feeling zitty and flabby and in dire need of a haircut. This weekend will see my annual epilation of my winter-long hair, due to it being spring as heralded by the blossom tree outside my kitchen window. Spring is springing! Time to shave my legs and have some fun.

Plus, a goal for the month is to do all my maintenance in the hope of attracting someone. Or just to feel halfway decent. How high maintenance are you? I have eight things to do to be fully maintained: Hair mask, face mask, dye eyebrows, shave legs, shave pits, bikini line, pedicure, manicure. To give you an idea of what a slob I am it has been 1 week since I had a hair mask, 4 months since a face mask, 6 months since I dyed my eyebrows, 7 months since I shaved my legs, 1 week since I shaved my pits, 2 months since I did my bikini line, 6 weeks since a pedicure and 9 months since a manicure.

So even though I am potentially high maintenance in reality I am not. Because I can’t be arsed, not because I don’t need it.

My friend D commented once about being in “high maintenance mode” and I said it was cos she was getting some. She said “Yeah. I’m a getting-some cliché.”

She has stupidly, or it could have been drunkenly, agreed to attend a baby shower this weekend. She said “And there will come the moment when someone will ask ‘When are you having a baby?’ and everyone’s laser-beam attention will be on me while I try not to burst into tears.”

I said “My response to that question is ‘I have to get laid first.’ But you don’t have that excuse.” She is, after all, a getting-some cliché. Although it has now progressed into A Relationship.

Speaking of things attractive in the getting it on sense – I have a new crush. It’s a girl. Kinda weird, I know, as I went back into the closet a few years ago. I’d only ever been hanging out in the unisex dressing room of bisexuality, trying on sequins while drinking cocktails, but I was sure that I was firmly back into the closet of het, smoking pot and wearing my old jeans.

Anyway she’s a girl. A real one. She’s got thick blonde hair and wears very weird 80’s clothes. One day she was wearing a white blouse with short puffy sleeves and an embroidered collar like the one my mother used to make me wear and I HATED it. Far too girly. I was a tomboy so I hated wearing girly clothes. So she was wearing this dreaded white girly blouse with a woollen vest over the top and I just couldn’t stop looking at her. I couldn’t stop looking at her cos I was trying to figure out if she was beautiful or not, then I decided that she was, because I couldn’t stop looking at her.

Laters.

Music that I would like, but do not have as yet:
LCD Soundsystem
The Shocking Pinks: Matematical Warfare
The Phoenix Foundation: Pegasus
Chaka Khan – whichever one “I feel for you” is on.