Time After Time

Hi

I tried to post this at work, but I use too many swear words and it won’t let me. So I am at home on D’s flash laptop with the remote internet connection thingy which is super cool. D says that if I had a voiceover I would be Carrie Bradshaw.

The mercury retrograde is over – praise fuck! Very icky times those are.

I’ve been thinking about time lately. I always thought of time as quite an abstract concept, very fickle and subjective, but then it was pointed out to me that clocks measure time. Which I knew of course, but never grasped that this then means that time exists in objective reality. If clocks measure time, then time must have some kind of relationship with physics, due to clocks being mechanical and all. One second equals gravity causing the pendulum to swing from here to here. I don’t really get that and I’m not sure I want to. I think time exists because humans need to experience reality in a linear fashion, or our brains will hurt trying to comprehend the simultaneous nature of existence. Which I have done on occasion, but luckily can’t sustain. If I could sustain it I’d be an airy-fairy hippy like the space cadet I used to be. Time exists for humans and I doubt that other creatures experience it in the same way we do. Just taking the creatures on this planet for example – I’m sure a fly’s three days seem like a lifetime, and I’m sure a big oak’s lifetime doesn’t seem particularly long. You can tell this because trees have this long-term perspective on things, which you’d know if you’d ever, like me, gotten high using drugs or meditation and had a chat to them. They are funny. It takes them a minute to realise that you are the one talking ‘tree’.

The first love of my life liked time, as in the time zones and calendar and 24 hour clock. He liked it cos it’s the one thing we all agree on.

You may have noticed something in that above paragraph. 10 points if you did. I said that I have had occasions of experiencing the simultaneous nature of existence, but did not sustain it. You may be thinking I’m full of shit and want me to explain myself. I am full of shit, of course, but I am also full of truth.

I digress – it is of course a paradox to talk about sustaining something when talking about experiencing the simultaneous-ness of existence. Just as it’s bullshit for me to talk about not sustaining this state when this state did in fact occur out of time. But to avoid long-winded and potentially ineffectual explanations such as these, I will let things like this slide from time to time.

Which is why I will not try to explain to you what I mean by something occurring “out of time”. I’ll just assume you’ve had similar experiences and if not you probably are bored shitless by this so we’ll leave it there.

By the way, I’m ok. Thanks for asking. How are you? Did you get that thing you wanted?

Laters.

Music du jour:
Cyndi Lauper: She’s So Unusual – the first album I ever bought! And still a goodie. ‘When you were mine’, ‘Witness’, ‘I’ll kiss you’ – gorgeous!

I was thinking about ‘She Bop’, cos you know it got banned from US radio after somebody figured out that it was about wanking. Is masturbation really such a contentious issue, or was it because it’s female masturbation? After all, in the 80’s you only enjoyed sex if you were a slut.

Once a song is banned is it always banned? I haven’t heard that song on the radio or seen the video since those few golden weeks when the US radio people still thought it was about dancing.

So how come Billy Idol’s ‘Dancing With Myself’ never got banned? Cos it’s boy-wanking? Does that make it okay? Guys seem to be forgiven for being animals more than girls are. That statement is not intended to use the word ‘animal’ in a derogatory way, just as an acknowledgement that we are indeed animals. Animals with complex social behaviours, but animals none the less. Guys scratch their balls in public, piss in public, burp and fart and throw tantrums in public and most people look the other way. I like to stare at guys who piss on the street like dogs and try to get a look at their dick so they’ll feel a bit more insecure about it in the future. Or at least be a bit more aware of what they are doing. Guys who piss in the toilet without shutting the door really fuck me off! There are unisex toilets at school and a guy did that yesterday. I was gonna say something to him but instead I paused outside his cubicle and gave him the evils. I hate unisex loos.

I burp and fart in public, using some (not very high) level of decorum. But I do not scratch my twat or tits, now matter how itchy they get. And I don’t piss in public. You have to expose your whole arse when you are a girl, so the logistics are a lot more challenging.

Speaking of burping, it turns out that D, my new flattie, is a burp nazi. Every time I burp she says “Ms Brown!” in the tone of a stern intermediate school teacher. I told her to give it up, as burping is one of my simple pleasures in life. She said that telling people not to is one of her simple pleasures – which it isn’t, by definition of a simple pleasure being something which is pleasing to the senses. It’s starting to piss me off so I think I’ll reply “fascist” whenever she tells me off in future. I don’t take kindly to people trying to control my behaviour.

Saying all that, D’s pretty cool and has become my career guru. The first step of D’s career advice is being implemented tomorrow.

Electric Six: Fire – another album that used to be on constant rotation for months and months. This one definitely reminds me of Tim as we used to fuck to it. Dick Valentine sings “Girl, when I’m fucking you, its like nothing else matters.”